Helping hands are better than praying lips

“I’m not okay” - Jenny “It’s okay.” - Herald It is challenging when you find that your loved one is going through major depression. Being a caregiver can be challenging but what matters more is our love for the dear one. It is not easy to understand what a depressed person is going through. The person has a lot of turmoil going within them. The most important thing is to understand what the person expects from you, to understand how you can best help him, and to understand how you can best stand together with them.
• It is not a phase of sadness but a clinical disorder, do not disparage the person by telling them facts how you overcame out of the sad situations. When you hector them in such way, they may start believing that they are responsible for their condition. This is ‘learned helplessness’.
• One of the kindest things you can do for people with depression is to understand their disability and limitation. The person has not bought it upon himself and there is no way he can ‘snap it out’. There’s no sense of telling them ‘be positive’ People don’t get depression because of negative thinking. The think negative because of depression.
• Understand and empathize. Empathize, not sympathize. Tell them you understand them and stand by them. Be patient with them even if their anger may push you far, remember that it is not they but the depression speaking.
• When a person is under the possession of depressive state, sometimes depression speaks and sometimes the person. Identify when person is speaking, and when depression. Don’t argue with depression. If you keep arguing, it will harm the person.
• Don’t tease them or make them feel guilty of their disability by telling them how burdened you are to have to make up for them. Don’t make them feel obliged for the care you give them.
• Manage things in a way that person learns to help himself. Help the person to establish a routine. They feel so lethargic and don’t know how to pass their day. So they sleep as a means of escape. Activities and goals make them mentally and physically engaged and add to their sense of self worth. Pleasure oriented activities give them joy. However, do not force the person for activities he might dislike, this can be counter-productive.
• Being regular with medication, doctor’s visit, and psychotherapy sessions is an absolute must. You need to ensure that patient complies with basic treatment. Do not ignore the patient’s voice.
• A depressed person expects your love and support. At least you can do better than the society for them.
• Don’t show sympathy. The patient has psychotherapist and psychiatrist for the expert advice. Your advice can create nuisance sometimes even detrimental to patient’s mind. Keep the stories ‘so and so had depression…..’ to yourself. Remember that not everybody will feel comfortable asking for help, but there are some signs you can look out for and help your loved one.